In her first ever in-depth interview, Michael Jackson’s only daughter, Paris, has revealed a lot about her life.
The 18-year-old has just begun adulthood, and after a childhood of scandals and rumors, she’s stepping out to write her own story. Paris has just begun working as a model and actress, and she sees modeling as a therapy for her own personal issues.
She told Rolling Stone, “I’ve had self-esteem issues for a really, really long time. Plenty of people think I’m ugly, and plenty of people don’t. But there’s a moment when I’m modeling where I forget about my self-esteem issues and focus on what the photographer’s telling me—and I feel pretty. And in that sense, it’s selfish.”
Paris is in a unique position to understand her father Michael Jackson, a man she loved dearly. “They always say, ‘Time heals,’ but it really doesn’t. You just get used to it. I live life with the mentality of, ‘OK, I lost the only thing that has ever been important to me.’”
“So going forward, anything bad that happens can’t be nearly as bad as what happened before. So I can handle it. I feel him with me all the time.”
Nine of Paris’ 50 plus tattoos are dedicated to Jackson, who died when she was just 11. Now, she’s able to look back and recognize that her childhood was far from normal, but she says it was full of love because she was with her dad.
And because of that, Paris is refusing to believe that her father caused his own death. After Michael Jackson’s molestation trial ended in an acquittal, he took his kids and traveled the world for years, before deciding to stage a comeback in London.
But Paris remembers worrying about the “exhaustion” she saw in her dad as he rehearsed. “I’d tell him, ‘Let’s take a nap.’ Because he looked tired. We’d be in school, meaning downstairs in the living room, and we’d see dust falling from the ceiling and hear stomping sounds because he was rehearsing upstairs.”
She blames AEG Live, the promoters behind the This Is It tour, for pushing her father to exhaustion. And she blames Dr. Conrad Murray for making him dependent on the drug propofol that led to his death. Murray was convicted of involuntary manslaughter.
Still, Paris has suspicions that are more complicated. “He would drop hints about people being out to get him. And at some point he was like, ‘They’re gonna kill me one day.’”
She’s convinced Michael Jackson was murdered. “Absolutely, because it’s obvious. All arrows point to that. It sounds like a total conspiracy theory and it sounds like bullsh--, but all real fans and everybody in the family knows it. It was a setup. It was bullsh--.”
And Paris is out for something more than knowledge. “Of course, I definitely do [want justice], but it’s a chess game. And I am trying to play the chess game the right way. And that’s all I can say about that right now.”